lovingly roasted with a side of meme
by petrichorpoetry
Summary: The ups and downs of college, soft Klance, Shiro's classic gallows humor, High School Musical references, very healthy communication in relationships, sibling roasting, and realistic portrayals of mental illness and chronic health issues? You betcha! Multiple plot threads flow through sets of chapters.
1. one week till doomsday

_**pidgeotto** added **lancinglights, kogayness, mattatta, takashishirogone, alluring, and hunkerdink** to the chat_

 _ **pidgeotto** changed the group name to **T MINUS ONE WEEK RIP IN PIECES**_

 **pidgeotto:** WHAT'S UP YOU HEATHENS ARE YOU READY FOR THE SEMESTER

 **lancinglights:** nO! PIDGE WHY

 **lancinglights:** I'm not ready to think about school yet

 **pidgeotto:** too bad

 **mattatta:** so sad

 **alluring:** alexa play despacito

 **takashishirogone:** n o

 **kogayness:** don't you mean despashiro

 **takashishirogone:** KEITH, NO

 **kogayness:** Keith YES

 **lancinglights:** dessssssspaaaaaaSHIROOOO

 **takashishirogone:** that was ONE TIME

 **takashishirogone:** i'm too old for this

 **mattatta:** i'm too old for your FACE

 **takashishirogone:** matt what does that even MEAN

 **pidgeotto:** "what do u meme"

 **mattatta:** shut ur fuck

 **pidgeotto:** MOM MATT TOLD ME TO SHUT UP

 **mattatta:** hdhshsjsjl it's not like mom can HEAR U

 **pidgeotto:** it's the principle of the thing

 **kogayness:** hang on

 **kogayness:** Matt said the fuck word and that's not the most relevant thing to tattle on him with?

 **takashishirogone:** "the fuck word"

 **alluring:** "the fuck word"

 **lancinglights:** "the fuck word"

 **kogayness:** LISTEN

 **pidgeotto:** "the fuck word"

 **kogayness:** shut ur fuck

 **hunkerdink:** what did I just walk into

 **lancinglights:** HUNK

 **lancinglights:** MY MAN

 **hunkerdink:** hi Lance :)

 **hunkerdink:** what is UP my dudes

 **lancinglights:** oh you know just UTTERLY PANICKING ABOUT THE NEW SEMESTER

 **hunkerdink:** o fuck

 **lancinglights:** exactly

 **hunkerdink:** SHAY

 _ **hunkerdink** added **shayliens** to the group_

 **shayliens:** WHAT

 **hunkerdink:** SCHOOL

 **shayliens:** oh shit u right

 **shayliens:** AAAAAAAAAAHHHH

 **hunkerdink:** AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

 **lancinglights:** AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHAAH

 **kogayness:** AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH

 **shayliens:** what happened to the summer? wasn't May just, like, yesterday?

 **pidgeotto:** It sure feels like it

 **pidgeotto:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

 **pidgeotto:** I didn't even get to finish working on Rover

 **pidgeotto:** and with school starting next week it's gonna take FOREVER now

 **mattatta:** i can help

 **pidgeotto:** shut up you're like a hundred years old

 **pidgeotto:** you have a job

 **mattatta:** I'M TWENTY THREE YOU CRETIN

 **takashishirogone:** oh god we're old

 **alluring:** No we are NOT

 **alluring:** Matt. Kashi. We are literally still in grad school.

 **takashishirogone:** ANCIENT

 **alluring:** NO,

 **kogayness:** it's okay Shiro, I'll juggle flaming swords at your funeral like you always secretly wanted

 **takashishirogone:** Keith what the fuck

 **lancinglights:** no, let him speak

 **lancinglights:** I want to hear more

 **alluring:** WE AREN'T EVEN TWENTY-FIVE YET

 **alluring:** NO ONE IS DYING

 **alluring:** but someone might if we don't all go to bed soon

 **alluring:** it's Late™

 **lancinglights:** did Allura just use a TRADEMARK

 **kogayness:** oh my god they really are dying

 **alluring:** SHUT

 **shayliens:** lmao I'm going to bed guys

 **shayliens:** night

 **hunkerdink:** Night Shay! Love you!

 **shayliens:** love you too babe!

 **takashishirogone:** we should all go to sleep

 **pidgeotto:** never

 **pidgeotto:** sleep is for the WEAK

 **mattatta:** go to bed u heathen or I'll call dad and tell him you're up in the attic pulling an all nighter

 **pidgeotto:** HOW DARE

 **mattata:** SLEEP

 **pidgeotto:** FINE FUCK YOU

 **pidgeotto:** GOODNIGHT

 **lancinglights:** Night Keith, apple of my eye, light of my life, peanut butter to my jelly time,

 **kogayness:** Night you meme loving avocado

 **alluring:** Night!

 **takashishirogone:** Goodnight!

 **mattatta:** don't let the bed bugs bite!

 **alluring:** MATT.

 **mattata:** KIDDING GOODNIGHT


	2. mornings are for caffeine and Feelings

_**lancinglights**_ _ **kogayness**_

 **lancinglights:** GOOD MORNING SUNSHINE

 **kogayness:** lance

 **kogayness:** it's SIX IN THE MORNING

 **lancinglights:** And yet you're awake

 **kogayness:** I have /work/, it's not like I'm up this early by choice

 **lancinglights:** I know babe

 **lancinglights:** which is why I, the worlds nicest boyfriend, am on my way to your house with coffee and an egg mcmuffin to drive you to work

 **kogayness:** i love you /so much/

 **lancinglights:** 3

 **kogayness:** I'm sorry for being crabby. Can I make up for it?

 **lancinglights:** Some early morning smooches wouldn't be amiss ;)

 **kogayness:** anything for the light of my life, sunlight through the leaves, chips to my salsa, bringer of my coffee

 **lancinglights:** /babe/

 **lancinglights:** Go get ready, I'll be there in 10 minutes. Love you!

 **kogayness:** Love you too 3

 _ **T MINUS ONE WEEK RIP IN PIECES**_

 **kogayness:** guess who has two thumbs, fresh coffee, and the world's best boyfriend?

 _ **kogayness**_ _sent 1 photo_

 **takashishirogone:** it's my day off and you wake me up for THIS

 **kogayness:** Excuse you I've had to sit through enough of your gushing about Allura and Matt, you can be quiet about my occasional love dumps in the group chat

 **alluring:** they are really cute in that selfie, you've got to admit it

 **takashishirogone:** I have cousin + big brother privileges, I don't have to admit /beans/

 **hunkerdink:** Good morning! Nice to know that someone's gotten their coffee today, at least.

 **kogayness:** Uh oh

 **kogayness:** are you having trouble on the coffee front, hunk?

 **hunkerdink:** Mmmm

 **hunkerdink:** APPARENTLY our esspresso machine broke :) in the middle :) of the night :)

 **hunkerdink:** and I just got home from dropping my dad off at the airport which i had to get up at 4 AM for :))))))))

 **pidgeotto:** GOOD MORNING SQUAD HOW IS EVERYONE ON THIS FINE DAY

 **pidgeotto:** *scrolls to catch up*

 **pidgeotto:** Oh No lmao rip in pieces Hunk, I'm so sorry

 **mattatta:** Katie why are you awake already, we didn't go to bed till like 3

 **mattatta:** STOP TAPPING ON THE WALL I WANT TO GO BACK TO SLEEP

 **mattatta:** I Will Murder You

 **takashishirogone:** she's only 19, she isn't dead inside yet and her body still bounces back from all nighters like its nothing

 **pidgeotto:** you murder me and there won't be anyone to make pancakes on this fine Saturday morning

 **mattatta:** I'll just go over to Shiro's, we'll make pancakes without you

 **alluring:** The last time Shiro tried to make pancakes we had to call the fire department. There's no way in hell I'm letting him near the stove again. And Matt you didn't help matters

 **takashishirogone:** wow

 **mattatta:** roasted by our own girlfriend

 **takashishirogone:** well if you feel that strongly about it, you'll just have to come and stop me yourself!

 **alluring:** MAYBE I WILL

 **takashishirogone:** MATT HOW FAST CAN YOU GET OVER HERE

 **mattatta:** LIKE? FIFTEEN MINUTES MAYBE? I HAVE TO WALK WHILE MY CAR IS IN THE SHOP

 **alluring:** FINE

 **takashishirogone:** FINE

 **mattatta:** OMW

 **alluring:** STO P

 **takashishirogane:** MAKE ME

 **alluring:** oh it's on, you asked for it

 **pidgeotto:** oh god please stop flirting in the gc this early

 **pidgeotto:** disgusting

 **hunkerdink:** hey says you

 **shayliens:** yeah some of us think romance is cute

 **shayliens:** Also, Hunk hang on I gotchu! I can pick up Starbucks and come over and we can hang or work on the practice problems for calc?

 **hunkerdink:** I love you So Much

 **shayliens:** Or you can come over here? Whichever you want is fine! Either way I'll still get Starbucks.

 **hunkerdink:** Your house would be best, the twins are going to be cooped up in the house all day today because mom's trying to get them to clean their rooms. It's chaos lol

 **hunkerdink:** Let me shower and then I'll be over!

 **shayliens:** Okie dokie! See you in a bit!

 **pidgeotto:** You're all exhausting, it's too early for gooey feelings

 **mattatta:** Listen, one of these days you're going to get a crush and you'll be eating those words. I'm going to be waking up at 2 AM to you having a crisis and blowing up my phone with how many Feelings you have for this person and I'm going to pull out every receipt I have of you saying lovey dovey messages are gross and you're going to have to admit you were wrong!

 **pidgeotto:** LIES

 **takashishirogone:** *singsong voice* he's riiii-iiiiight

 **shayliens:** It's okay Pidge, you can text me when it happens and I won't make fun of you.

 **pidgeotto:** Thanks for being nice Shay

 **pidgeotto:** BUT I won't need to take you up on that because if I do get a crush I will be a CALM HUMAN BEING ABOUT IT

 **kogayness:** lmao you say that now

 **pidgeotto:** LISTEN

 **lancinglights:** shhhhhhh be quiet and leave keith alone, we have limited time before his shift starts and you need to Sleep

 **pidgeotto:** You aren't my mom

 **pidgeotto:** besides, Matt's gotten the same amount of sleep as I have, why aren't you telling him to sleep?

 **lancinglights:** I can't tell Matt what to do, he's an adult

 **pidgeotto:** SO AM I!

 **lancinglights:** p

 **pidgeotto:** I'm going to go work on Rover, you can't tell me what to do

 **lancinglights:** whatever, just don't hurt yourself because you're sleep deprived

 **lancinglights:** I don't want to drive you or hunk to the urgent care again for at least a year

 **pidgeotto:** I'll be CAREFUL don't worry

 **pidgeotto:** go make out with your boyfriend already

 **lancinglights:** BET

 _ **alluring**_ _ **takashishirogone**_ _and_ _ **mattatta**_

 **alluring:** Hey, I just want to be clear that I don't think you two are incompetent or anything. I was just doing some friendly roasting but looking back at it I hope I didn't come off as harsh. That's not what I intended. I love you both so much and you can burn pancakes any time you want, I don't mind. I love when we make breakfast together like this and I can't wait to see you in a little while for a lazy morning.

 **mattatta:** shhhhhh no, don't worry babe, we know you were joking around! It's okay. Today is just a roast-y morning all around. We know you weren't serious.

 **takashishirogone:** Damn, you burn breakfast ONCE and you're marked with a scarlet letter FOREVER

 **takashishirogone:** But seriously, Allura, Matt's right. You were fine, we know you were joking.

 **alluring:** I just worry that sometimes the roasting can be a little too sharp or real, and I don't want anyone to be uncomfortable or hurt

 **takashishirogone:** Listen, we've always been great at communicating and being open and honest with one another once we pulled our heads out from the sand long enough to actually admit how we feel about each other. I agree with you, there are times in our chats where I think all of us in the group chats can get so carried away by roasting and the routine of poking fun at each other that sometimes things can get a little too biting or jabs get a bit pointed. But trust Matt and me to speak up and let you know if something bothers us, and we'll trust you to do the same.

 **mattatta:** What's got you worried about that this morning? It's not really like you to be uncertain about things. Are you okay?

 **alluring:** I just

 **alluring:** UGH it's nothing, seriously, it's nothing important or bit, I'm just tired and there's just so much to do right now for Dr. Thace and I have to get ready for the sections I'm TAing for too and my research just hit a rough patch lately, but it's not anything really /wrong/, I'm just overwhelmed.

 **alluring:** the Insecurity™ is strong rn lmao (don't tell the kids I used a trademark symbol, I have a reputation to uphold)

 **alluring:** sorry, I didn't mean to dump like that, it's not a big deal

 **mattatta:** HEY, listen

 **mattatta:** You're not feeling good right now, that is a big deal! You're allowed to feel overwhelmed and stressed! You're doing a LOT and you work really hard /all the time/ to do a really good job, which is one of the amazing things about you, but you're only human and sometimes you need some help or at least a break. I'm glad you told us.

 **takashishirogone:** Please Allura, don't ever feel like your problems aren't important enough to share with us. We want to help. You do the same for us when we're having a rough time. We've always been there for each other, even before we were together like this. I know when you're feeling overwhelmed it can make you feel insecure and like you should be able to handle things by yourself, but sweetheart, you AREN'T alone. We're in this together, with you and for you. We've got your back.

 **mattatta:** Always. 3

 **alluring:** HNNN I LOVE YOU BOTH SO MUCH

 **alluring:** I'm sorry I didn't say anything sooner. I just always want to deal with my own problems by myself. I know I should reach out. I'm working on it.

 **mattatta:** We know you are. You've already come so far from where you were just a few years ago, you know?

 **alluring:** We all have, for sure.

 **mattatta:** hey, don't deflect! This is about you right now. Let us love you. ;)

 **alluring:** FINE

 **alluring:** Thank you 3

 **takashishirogane:** Matt, are you almost here?

 **mattatta:** Yep, one block away. I've got my key, don't worry about letting me in.

 **takashishirogone:** It's already unlocked. I've got a pot of coffee going for the three of us.

 **alluring:** I'm about to head over, I should be there in about five minutes

 **takashishirogone:** Awesome.

 **takashishirogone:** I can't wait to see you both! I missed you.

 **mattatta:** We literally hung out yesterday Kashi

 **takashishirogone:** it's been Too Long

 **alluring:** Love you both, see you in a few 3

 **takashishirogone:** see you then! 3

 **mattatta:** drive safe babe! 3

 **alluring:** 3

 _ **kogayness**_ _ **lancinglights**_

 **kogayness:** Listen, I know I said it earlier, but seriously, I love you so much. Thank you for this morning.

 **kogayness:** I'm going to treat you to a late lunch when I finish my shift

 **kogayness:** since you're free and all

 **lancinglights:** mmmm I can't wait

 **kogayness:** Culvers?

 **lancinglights:** We are due for another ice cream eating contest…

 **kogayness:** Oh you're on.

 **lancinglights:** You're going down

 **lancinglights:** Now put away your phone before Kolivan makes you lead class all three lesson slots in a row because you were slacking lmao

 **kogayness:** hfadsjkl love you, bye, see you soon

 **lancinglights:** ( ﾟヮﾟ) _(author's note: this is supposed to be the fingerguns emoji, but it won't show up properly on , I'm sorry!)_

 **kogayness:** you dork

 **lancinglights:** /your/ dork

 **kogayness:** amen to that. I wouldn't have it any other way. :)

 **lancinglights:** hafHJFKDLSLSDHF ON THAT NOTE, BYE

 **lancinglights:** catch you on the flip side!


	3. car packing Tetris and mild screaming

_**T MINUS ONE WEEK RIP IN PIECES**_

 _ **kogayness**_ _changed the group name to_ _ **TODAY'S FORECAST: MOVE IN WITH A SMALL CHANCE OF INSANITY**_

 **kogayness:** WAKE UP PEOPLE IT'S MOVE IN DAY AND I AM NOT GOING TO GET THERE IN THE MID-DAY MOVE-IN RUSH

 **kogayness:** IF YOU'RE RIDING IN THE FUNVEE YOU'D BETTER BE READY TO ROLL OUT IN ONE HOUR

 **lancinglights:** I'M ALREADY READY, MY STUFF IS BY THE DOOR

 **mattatta:** haha remember when we were like that

 **takashishirogone:** We were never like that. We packed last minute the night before and the morning of, and basically threw everything in the back of our cars, and then somehow turned a one hour drive into a three hour road trip complete with overconsumption of both caffeine and bad gas station food, just because we could.

 **takashishirogone:** And if any of you are thinking Allura, miss organization queen, was exempt from that, you're wrong. She was right there with us. Organized she may be but packed for college she did NOT lmao

 **alluring:** I can't even argue lmao

 **pidgeotto:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

 **mattatta:** PIDGE I TOLD YOU TO PACK

 **pidgeotto:** I DID

 **pidgeotto:** JUST NOT NECESSARILY /EVERYTHING/ YET

 **kogayness:** GDI PIDGE YOU BETTER BE READY WHEN WE SHOW UP

 **pidgeotto:** I WILL I WILL DON'T WORRY

 **kogayness:** get off your phone and PACK!

 **pidgeotto:** I WILL JUST GFfjdjafklkgkkn

 **lancinglights:** Katie?

 **mattatta:** I took her phone, I'm holding it hostage until she finishes packing the last few things

 **mattatta:** you're welcome

 **hunkerdink:** Goooooood morning! If anyone wants breakfast tacos, Shay and I are happy to stop and meet up with the fun-vee at the Flying J an hour out and share the love. I made plenty extra and we've got them in an insulated bag.

 **lancinglights:** HUNK HAVE I TOLD YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU

 **lancinglights:** keith we're stopping

 **lancinglights:** I'll hijack the van if I have to

 **takashishirogane:** please Do Not, we're still paying that thing off and it doesn't need any extra risks

 **kogayness:** Unnecessary. I was never going to turn down Hunk's breakfast tacos. We're stopping. BUT ONLY FOR THE HANDOFF, NO EXTRA TIME

 **lancinglights:** fine

 **shayliens:** Aaaaaaahhhhh this is always so exciting! I can't wait to get back to campus y'all

 **shayliens:** Think of the Mario Kart tournament we're going to have tonight when we all finish unpacking, god bless

 **hunkerdink:** I've been practicing for weeks. You're going down, Kogane.

 **kogayness:** In your dreams!

 **lancinglights:** Hunk, I believe in you. I have to root for Keith, but I believe in you and your skills. You can do this. Take the trophy back for the rest of us mere mortals.

 **pidgeotto:** Excuse you, I'm the one coming for that title this year!

 **pidgeotto:** if anyone's going to beat Keith it's gonna be me

 **mattatta:** KATIE

 **mattatta:** HOW DID YOU GET THE PHONE DOWN

 **pidgeotto:** I CLIMBED, IT'S NOT HARD

 **mattatta:** DID YOU FINISH YOUR PACKING

 **pidgeotto:** yes MOM

 **pidgeotto:** it's all stacked by the door now except the minifridge

 **pidgeotto:** I need your Big Strong Muscles to carry it down the stairs

 **takashishirogone:** HA

 **takashishirogone:** big strong muscles my hat, we all know that I'm the muscles in this family

 **mattatta:** Hey show your boyfriend some respect!

 **takashishirogone:** And I quote, "Listen, some of us are stuck with noodle arms in this cruel world, not everyone can be blessed with such big gains and big guns as you"

 **mattatta:** YOU WROTE IT DOWN?!

 **pidgeotto:** THAT'S ONE FOR THE SCREENSHOTS OF BLACKMAIL FOLDER

 **alluring:** Oh he writes down everything we say that's even remotely funny. He's very sneaky about it, but he's got PAGES of notes on his phone.

 **mattatta:** hfAHJFKAUEFIHCNJDKLJJSS

 **mattatta:** SHIRO

 **takashishirogone:** :))))))))))

 **mattatta:** I'm going to get you back for this, just wait. You won't see me coming.

 **takashishirogone:** Mmmm I look forward to it. In the meantime, Pidge, do you need me to carry it down for you? I can come over.

 **kogayness:** Excuse you, Lance and I are perfectly capable of helping her get it down the stairs. Buzz off old man.

 **takashishirogane:** you /whippersnapper/

 **alluring:** STOP CALLING US OLD

 **alluring:** We haven't even had a quarter-life crisis yet, give us a break.

 **hunkerdink:** It's okay Allura, we know you aren't old. After all, you guys still rely on microwave lean cuisines, ramen, and lunchables for half your meals.

 **lancinglights:** jSHFSLJKF EXPOSED

 **alluring:** HUNK HOW COULD YOU

 **shayliens:** Oh please it's not like you keep it a secret. We aren't judging. What do you think we do on campus all year?

 **hunkerdink:** Except when I have the time to cook, of course.

 **shayliens:** 333333

 **kogayness:** Hey I hate to break this up, but IS EVERYONE READY OR DO I NEED TO KICK SOME BUTTS INTO GEAR? FIFTEEN MINUTES TILL WHEELS UP PEOPLE

 **lancinglights:** oh my /god/, calm /down/, relaxation, chill /out/, stop /screaming/,

 **kogayness:** DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO

 **takashishirogone:** Keith

 **lancinglights:** Shiro please come tame your cousin he's re-checking our packing job in the van for the fourth time and I'm about to deck him

 **hunkerdink:** EXPOSED

 **alluring:** It's hilarious because you'd expect Keith to be the throw-things-in-a-duffel-bag-and-random-boxes-and-throw-it-in-the-car-where-it-fits kind of guy but then you go on a trip with him and find out that he's actually the most type a traveling personality ever and has everything down to a science, trip binder and all lmao

 **kogayness:** LISTEN you'll all be thanking me when we get to school and have to haul it all into the dorms to unpack. SOMEONE has to keep things on track around here or we'd all end up with each other's stuff and lose our minds.

 **lancinglights:** Shhhhh babe we're just teasing, we do appreciate you and your organization for this. I love you so much, you're the best and this is all going to work out just fine. 3

 **kogayness:** hnnnnn I love you too so much 3

 **kogayness:** but don't say the fine word again until we're actually there and unpacked, you're gonna jinx it

 **lancinglights:** "the fine word"

 **kogayness:** s t o p

 **lancinglights:** GET IN THE CAR BABE let's just go get pidge and hit the road!

 **kogayness:** FINE

 **kogayness:** Shiro you can stop stalking me now, I swear I'm done, I'm getting in the car now, see? No more checking.

 **takashishirogone:** Hmmmm. Matt?

 **mattatta:** yessir!

 **takashishirogone:** You're on Keith Watch when he gets to your place. He can play tetris with Katie's stuff and get it packed, but if you see the slightest hint of rearranging the car start to show up you have my orders to kick them all into the van and shove it down the driveway till they get on the road. I'm going back to bed.

 **mattatta:** I won't let you down, love 3

 **alluring:** Shiro I'm coming over, my meeting was canceled. I want cuddles. I'll treat you to breakfast later?

 **mattatta:** I want in on the cuddles!

 **takashishirogone:** Sounds good, princess. Matt, get your butt over here as soon as the kids head out. I want to braid your hair while we roast ourselves to a crisp in a blanket cooccoon.

 **mattatta:** Mmmmm so romantic

 **alluring:** What if I just go to the Holts' and get Matt? Convenient timing.

 **mattatta:** GOOD PLAN PRINCESS ILY

 **takashishirogone:** yes good, just hurry up!

 **mattatta:** PIDGE GET READY TO HAUL YOUR STUFF OUT THIS DOOR I'VE GOT A HOT DATE

 **pidgeotto:** WHY AM I RELATED TO YOU

 **hunkerdink:** Shay and I are heading out! We'll meet you guys at Flying J later. Peace out!

 **lancinglights:** Keith and I are pulling into your driveway now, Pidge. The Great Road Trip Mix is cued up to play, all shiny and exciting and full of jams.

 **lancinglights:** we're gonna get you loaded and then get this SHOW ON THE ROAD!

 **pidgeotto:** BET

 **mattatta:** BET

 _ **pidgeotto**_ _ **alluring**_ _,_ _ **mattatta**_ _, and_ _ **takashishirogone**_

 **pidgeotto:** SEE YOU LATER, GOLDEN TRIO, WE'RE OFF TO TAKE OVER THE SCHOOL AGAIN

 **alluring:** BYE KIDS, HAVE FUN! DON'T DO ANYTHING I WOULDN'T DO!

 **mattatta:** I'LL MISS YOU, GREMLIN

 **pidgeotto:** I'LL MISS YOU TOO, YOU NERD

 **pidgeotto:** For real, though, I will. I already miss you in advance.

 **pidgeotto:** Facetime tonight? It's not going to be the same without you around to joke with and watch bad sci fi movies.

 **mattatta:** But now you'll have more time to watch Buzzfeed Unsolved with Keith, hey? You're going to be fine. Call me when you're unpacked this evening, I'll be around all day.

 **takashishirogone:** You all better be safe! Don't let Keith and Lance drive if they've drunk too much caffeine. We're rooting for all of you this semester, as usual! You're going to be great.

 **pidgeotto:** Thanks, Space Dad. We're going to miss your pep talks.

 **takashishirogone:** I can still send them! It's not like you're leaving the solar system

 **pidgeotto:** Alas, nothing can ever compare to the real, in-person experience. A tragedy.

 **takashishirogone:** is that sass I read with my own two eyes

 **pidgeotto:** sass? In my me?

 **alluring:** it's more likely than you think!

 **pidgeotto:** lmao

 **pidgeotto:** Okay for real we're on the interstate now, heading out. You all have fun in your cuddle pile, don't get too complacent while we're gone. Just because Keith and I aren't around to barge in on your make out sessions doesn't mean we'll be gone forever! :)

 **mattatta:** go enjoy your road trip you gremlin, leave us to our cuddles in peace

 **pidgeotto:** KIRK OUT

 _ **TODAY'S FORECAST: MOVE IN WITH A SMALL CHANCE OF INSANITY**_

 **hunkerdink:** god I'm so glad that's over

 **lancinglights:** I forgot how tired move in day always makes you

 **lancinglights:** Could we maybe just get a collective rain check on the Mario Kart tournament? All my body wants to do is Sleep, for like, a million years

 **pidgeotto:** I second that motion

 **shayliens:** thirded

 **kogayness:** y'all just want to spare yourselves the pain of me beating you even while worn out

 **lancinglights:** AND HERE WE SEE THE RETURN OF THE ELUSIVE TEXAN KEITH, FAR FROM HIS NATIVE HABITAT

 **kogayness:** SHUSH

 **lancinglights:** I'M A BAD BITCH YOU CAN'T SHUSH ME

 **kogayness:** CATCH THESE HANDS

 **takashishirogone:** Space dad privileges mean I get to shush both of you and tell all of you to just go to BED. You've got all day tomorrow to kick back and relax and harass each other and snuggle before classes start, just call it a night and get some rest.

 **pidgeotto:** but daaaaaaaaadddd

 **takashishirogone:**

 **hunkerdink:** oh no pidge, you've disappointed space dad

 **shayliens:** :'(

 **pidgeotto:** I'M SORRY I'LL GO TO BED FINE

 **takashishirogone:** all of you go t P

 **shayliens:** no complaints from me! catch you all in the morning!

 **Hunkerdink:** night!

 **kogayness:** Tomorrow you'll all have to face the music and watch me defend my title once again, no getting out of it.

 **lancinglights:** Yeah yeah Michael Phelps, we got it. Come on and go to bed or I'm banishing you to the bathroom until you're ready to go to bed. I need my beauty sleep.

 **kogayness:** You're beautiful with or without your masks and sleep, for the record. I'm coming, don't worry

 **lancinglights:** 333

 **takashishirogone:** ugh, disgusting

 **pidgeotto:** AHA! I KNEW IT

 **pidgeotto:** I knew I wasn't the only one who gets Tired of all the pda in the group chat!

 **takashishirogone:** I thought you were already asleep! BED!

 **pidgeotto:** FINE FINE GOOD NIGHT I'M GOING

 **pidgeotto:** ...mr. space dad sir

 **takashishirogone:** what did I do to deserve these ungrateful children. I'm so tired, let me Rest

 **mattatta:** Oh no, Space Dad is Space Sad!

 **takashishirogone:** shut ur fuck

 **alluring:** GASP

 **alluring:** Such language! Think of the children!

 **takashishirogone:** HAJJKFDJSLLJJK L goodNIGHT

* * *

AN: If you liked it, I'd love to hear what you liked most, and if there's anything you want to see in particular!

Find me on tumblr at goldkirk and on Twitter at ottermelons!


	4. HE ALMOST DIED (not clickbait!)

**_TODAY'S FORECAST: MOVE IN WITH A SMALL CHANCE OF INSANITY_**

 ** _lancinglights_** _changed the chat name to_ ** _FIRST DAY? NO PROBLEM_**

 **lancinglights:** listen I know I say this every year, but college is so wild

 **lancinglights:** I'm early for my 8 AM as usual, to drop off my stuff so I don't have to carry it to breakfast, and before I get to the door to go in I hear someone else walking down the hallway so I look and jsfhdakjldh

 **lancinglights:** This guy in a leather jacket just walked past me looking really lost in every sense of the word and carrying a large bunch of bananas?

 **kogayness:** Why?!

 **lancinglights:** I DUNNO

 **hunkerdink:** maybe he's just very hungry today and also can't figure out where his class is?

 **lancinglights:** who knows

 **lancinglights:** whoever he is, I wish him luck

 **lancinglights:** also Keith, I see you, coming down the stairs now

 **takashishirogone:** what did I do to deserve being woken up this early when I'm not even in college anymore

 **mattatta:** GOOD MORNING SUNSHINE

 **takashishirogone:** I Will End You

 **mattatta:** listen it's your own fault for forgetting to turn your phone on silent when you went to bed

 **takashishirogone:** I still don't understand why all of you have to be up so early for classes. This is college.

 **lancinglights:** science major and The Anxiety

 **kogayness:** science major

 **hunkerdink:** science major

 **pidgeotto:** science major

 **pidgeotto:** on a related note, 8 AM labs can die in a fire

 **mattatta:** lmao rip

 **pidgeotto:** LISTEN

 **mattatta:** NO I DID MY TIME IT'S YOUR TURN TO SUFFER

 **mattatta:** BACK IN MY DAY,

 **pidgeotto:** NO

 **allurable:** have mercy on them, just because your dad did it to you doesn't mean you have to subject the poor young ones to it lol

 **mattatta:** it's my duty as the Big Brother

 **pidgeotto:** it really isn't

 **takashishirogone:** ANYWAY good luck on your first day everyone, I'm going back to bed

 **kogayness:** I hate you sm rn

 **takashishirogone:** ヾ(⌐■_■)ノ

 **kogayness:** (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

 **hunkerdink:** ┬─┬ノ(ಠ_ಠノ)

 **hunkerdink:** it is TOO EARLY

 **lancinglights:** we spent four years getting up at stupid o'clock in the morning to get to high school on time, and we've been in college for three years and it still amazes me how much trouble we have getting up for 8 AMs

 **lancinglights:** they should be so much better, compared to what we had to get up for in high school? but they're not?

 **alluring:** one of the unsolved mysteries of college

 **alluring:** also it amazes me that it's your junior year (except for you pidge, i know) and somehow ALL of you ended up with at least one 8 AM still

 **kogayness:** believe me it amazes us too

 **shayliens:** News alert: the amazing barista is back at the coffee shoppppppppp

 **pidgeotto:** OUT OF MY WAY PEOPLE I NEED THAT HEAVENLY FRAPPE HE MAKES

 **kogayness:** god bless u shay, thank u for my LIFE

 **lancinglights:** I still don't understand how his drinks are so much better than other baristas'? It's just coffee?

 **hunkerdink:** LISTEN U HEATHEN

 **hunkerdink:** JUST BECAUSE YOU DON'T NEED COFFEE TO SURVIVE LIKE THE REST OF US POOR MORTALS,

 **lancinglights:** JEEMINY CHRISMTAS I'M SORRY

 **lancinglights:** forget I said anything lmao

 **mattatta:** don't you guys have class?

 **lancinglights:** yeah in like an hour

 **lancinglights:** coffee and breakfast first is the rule of the group at this point

 **mattatta:** well good job being up before the morning breakfast rush, godspeed

 **lancinglights:** yeah we learned that lesson freshman year

 **shayliens:** BARISTA GUY

 **shayliens:** HURRY UP BEFORE THE TEACHERS START GETTING HERE AND ORDERING THEIR DRINKS

 **hunkerdink:** omw

 **kogayness:** us too

 **pidgeotto:** meanwhile, I don't have to wait in line for my Monsters

 **alluring:** /Pidge please/

 **pidgeotto:** I'M DRINKING RESPONSIBLY, DON'T WORRY

 **pidgeotto:** need to claim my spot at one of the good lab benches, see ya

 ** _pidgeotto_** ** _shayliens_**

 **pidgeotto:** Hey Shay?

 **shayliens:** What's up pidgemeister?

 **pidgeotto:** lmao

 **pideotto:** uhhhhhh well

 **pidgeotto:** so you remember last week when you said I could...come to you...if I-well-okay LISTEN so you know I have a new roommate this year, right, and she got in late last evening instead of during the morning bc her flight was delayed and she's from australia? and so anyway yes I have this new roommate and she's my grade and her name is Romelle and she's an art student and her hair is blonde and really really long and shay listen she's so pretty i want to Die

 **pidgeotto:** she's so PRETTY she's GORGEOUS and her hair is so long and shiny and she's got this cute accent but she's so so feisty and she's REALLY funny and she's also chill about stuff but if you get her going on something she feels strongly about she can go on this AWESOME RANT at the drop of a hat and she's single and she's gay and she's sassy and sarcastic but so down to earth and we may have stayed up talking till almost 2 or 3 am and i've only known her for half a day but i think i'm in love shay what do I DO

 **shayliens:** katie oh my GOD

 **shayliens:** I'm so glad you texted me

 **shayliens:** Okay listen, a) I'm so proud of you, b) I'm so happy for you, c) IT IS GOING TO BE OKAY, d) we need to talk about this in person, and my roommate isn't going to be in the room till late tonight, so as soon as your class is over meet me in the coffee shop and we'll go back to my dorm room and Talk and I'll help.

 **pidgeotto:** SHAY I DIDN'T ASK FOR /FEELINGS/

 **shayliens:** I KNOW BABE

 **pidgeotto:** I've never HAD a crush before why did this have to happen! She walked in the door and started talking and it was like I got hit over the head with a brick wall made of warm honey and good smelling flowers and gooey inner organs! I feel SAPPY and FLUTTERY whenever I think about her! What do I do!

 **shayliens:** 1) breathe

 **shayliens:** 2) distract yourself by paying attention to the lecture

 **shayliens:** 3) get it ALL out when you're with me

 **shayliens:** 4) we will make a Plan and if all goes well, we're gonna get you a girlfriend or at least a best friend who's a girl named Romelle

 **pidgeotto:** aaaaAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

 **pideotto:** okay, okay, all right, thank you

 **pideotto:** i love you so much thanks for being the best

 **pidgeotto:** hnnnnn got to go, lab's starting

 **pideotto:** I'M SORRY AND THANK YOU AGAIN

 ** _shayliens_** ** _mattatta_**

 **shayliens:** your sister is having a minor crisis but don't ask her anything about it until I give you the say so

 **mattatta:** ?

 **shayliens:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 ** _shayliens_** ** _hunkerdink_**

 **shayliens:** hi babe

 ** _shayliens_** _sent 3 photos to the chat_

 **shayliens:** read and delight

 **shayliens:** also you owe me twenty bucks

 **hunkerdink:** holy shit

 **hunkerdink:** I always thought she'd fall hard when she finally found someone but this is amazing

 **hunkerdink:** poor pidge

 **shayliens:** I'm going to help her as much as I can this afternoon and do a girl's night kind of in the dorm room but I bet she could use some peanut butter cookies if you have time today

 **hunkerdink:** I ALWAYS have time for my partner in crime

 **hunkerdink:** I'm on it! I'll bring them by around dinner time

 **shayliens:** BLESS

 **shayliens:** I love you SO MUCH

 **hunkerdink:** right back atcha 3

 ** _lancinglights_** ** _takashishirogone_**

 **lancinglights:** Hey, so before I tell you what's going on, don't freak out.

 **takashishirogone:** LANCE THAT'S NOT A GREAT WAY TO GET ME TO NOT FREAK OUT

 **takashishirogone:** What happened? Is it keith? Was there a lab accident or something?

 **lancinglights:** No! No lab accident. Just-okay listen, there are always a few new baristas every school year, right?

 **takashishirogone:** Lance what happened

 **lancinglights:** Well one of the new baristas apparently didn't absorb the memo about not cross-contaminating food with allergens, and the peanut butter cookies touched the scones at some point

 **takashishirogone:** WHAT

 **lancinglights:** or something like that

 **lancinglights:** And anyway, Keith ordered his drink and a scone and then a couple bites in he stopped because he said it had a weird aftertaste, but neither of us thought anything of it, because the school switches the source of their cafe food like, every year, so we figured it was just that. But he coughed a few times, and then more often, and then a few minutes later his breathing started to get wheezy and he had trouble getting in air, and we figured out what was going on.

 **lancinglights:** He used his EpiPen as soon as he realized, and I called 911, and he's going to the hospital per protocol for monitoring, but HE'S OKAY I PROMISE

 **lancinglights:** I've got his phone with me because he left his backpack on the floor when they took him out

 **lancinglights:** And before I went and hopped in my car I made sure that barista is going to be dealt with and the food is going to be safety-checked and replaced and everything, don't worry

 **takashishirogone:** THE FIRST DAY BACK! I'm going to call the college, this is ridiculous, he could have DIED

 **lancinglights:** You don't need to call the college! He didn't! And we're making sure it doesn't happen again! And he's still good on his stock of EpiPens too, don't worry about ordering more. I'll give him his phone back as soon as I find his room. I forgot how much of a maze ERs are.

 **takashishirogone:** Lance, don't you have class this morning too?

 **takashishirogone:** I can drive up there, I'll be there in an hour, just let me grab my keys

 **lancinglights:** No, it's fine! My class isn't till 9:30, and it's syllabus day anyway. He's my boyfriend, I'm sticking with him. You stay there. We've got this.

 **lancinglights:** I'll make sure he takes it easy today and doesn't bust out of the ER sooner than he should. Don't worry.

 **takashishirogone:** …okay.

 **takashishirogone:** But if you need me for ANYTHING, you call and I'll come right away, okay? Please tell Keith to text me as soon as he can.

 **lancinglights:** Will do. He's gonna be fine, Shiro, try not to stress too much.

 **takashishirogone:** I know. It's just hard, when he's not nearby and something like this happens. I was always there with him for so many years and now I have to get used to staying calm from the sidelines. But it helps that you're there with him. I know that I say this a lot, but you two really are good for each other, Lance. There's no one else I'd trust Keith's safety to more.

 **lancinglights:** 3

 **lancinglights:** That really means a lot, Shiro.

 **lancinglights:** Okay, gtg, found his room. I'll have him text you in a few.

 **takashishirogone:** Thanks, Lance.

 ** _kogayness_** ** _takashishirogone_**

 **kogayness:** hey, hello, I'm alive

 **takashishirogone:** How are you feeling? Are you okay?

 **takashishirogone:** What did the doctors say?

 **kogayness:** I'm ok. The EpiPen did its job fantastically, as usual

 **kogayness:** HOLY-FUCK-I-CAN'T-BREATHE-I-CAN'T-GET-AIR to oh-god-thank-you-thank-you-that-sweet-sweet-air-and-oh-look-colors-and-stuff-are-brighter in seconds

 **kogayness:** I was doing okay when EMS got here, just some chills and shaking. They put me on oxygent and took me to the ER, and they're holding me for a few hours for monitoring to make sure I don't have a second reaction. They gave me a bit more epi and some benadryl to be safe.

 **takashishirogone:** I'm so glad you're okay. So glad.

 **takashishirogone:** Damn, can't even get one day into the school year without a near death experience can you?

 **kogayness:** LOOK it's not like I PLANNED THIS

 **kogayness:** lmao

 **kogayness:** For real though, I'm glad too. I don't think I'm going to make my afternoon class though either.

 **takashishirogone:** uh, no. i give it maybe twenty minutes tops before you pass out like a log

 **kogayness:** good thing I have lance with me to take me home

 **kogayness:** He was so good and calm when it was happening, and gave the paramedics all the info they needed so I could just relax and focus on breathing. He's so good.

 **takashishirogone:** he did a great job updating me too. you really got lucky with him, he loves you a lot.

 **kogayness:** I know

 **kogayness:** I really know

 **kogayness:** ok listen I'm getting real sleepy so I'll call you later when I'm back at the dorm and awake ok? love you

 **takashishirogone:** I love you too Keith. Feel better soon. I'm here if you need anything.

 _ **pidgeotto** **shayliens**_

 **pidgeotto:** SHAY HER ART IS SO PRETTY I'M GOING TO DIE

 **pidgeotto:** I FOUND HER INSTA AND IT'S ALL HER AND PRETTY AESTHETIC PHOTOS AND HER PAINTINGS AND SHE'S SO TALENTED

 **pidgeotto:** HER ART I HELP

 **shayliens:** PIDGE PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR LAB

 **pidgeotto:** FUCK YOU, I'M IN LOVE

 **shayliens:** oh my god you're hopeless, JUST KEEP IT TOGETHER UNTIL YOU GET OUT AND YOU CAN SCREAM ABOUT HER ALL YOU WANT LATER

 **shayliens:** ur turning into a true useless lesbian

 **pidgeotto:** I CAN'T EVEN ARGUE

 **pidgeotto:** It's been ONE day I'm so screwed aren't I

 **shayliens:** rip rip potato chip, godspeed

 **shayliens:** now pay attention to your lab and stop MESSAGING ME

 **pidgeotto:** FINE LOVE YOU BYE


End file.
